So many people I know from high school/college are already married or have kids. It's crazy. I feel like marriage is acceptable but having kids right now is insane! I still feel so young.

Well I looked my demons in the eyes,
laid bare my chest, said "Do your best, destroy me.
You see, I've been to hell and back so many times,
I must admit you kind of bore me."
There's a lot of things that can kill a man,
there's a lot of ways to die,
listen, some already did that walked beside me.
There's a lot of things I don't understand,
why so many people lie.
Its the hurt I hide that fuels the fire inside me.

I just got home from work and I'm exhausted. Now I'm laying in bed while my pup drives me nuts by jumping on me/barking/doing puppy things. He was in the kennel for almost 7 hours while I was at work, so he's really hyper and just wants to play right now. My 2-6 client cancelled tomorrow, so Ollie won't have to be in the kennel for as long.

I got home from Haverhill last night. Being down there was absolutely wonderful. I got there at about 1am late Sunday night, and by the time Evan and I ate and visited, we didn't get to sleep until about 3:30. I didn't want to go to sleep. I just wanted to lay in bed and snuggle all night. We took Ollie running several times when I was there which was nice. I won't even get into the incident at the dog park...ugh. Anyways, I had such a great time with Evan. I missed him so much. He seriously is my best friend and it's crappy that the person I can talk to and confide in most, is so far away. Oh well, summer is already a month over. By the time I know it, summer will be over and I won't have to sleep alone anymore.

I don't really remember what I was going to write. Evan called me and I lost my train of thought.

Ohh Jamaica is in 2 weeks. I'm super excited! I'm not really excited about spending all of my money, but it will be worth it. I just want to swim. Too bad I feel like complete crap in my bathing suit...thats why I'm going to the gym tomorrow with Kelsie. I'm going to try to go as often as possible. I have to go whenever she's free cause she is the one with the gym membership, and I can only get in for free if I go with her. I did an ab workout earlier today and my abs are killing me. So pathetic hahah. OH! I Finally got the "okay" from my physical therapist that I can run again!!! I'm so excited! I've missed running. I ran almost every day last summer, and not being able to run at all this summer has sucked. I'm not sure how it's going to go tomorrow. I'm probably going to do really really light running. Coming down hard on my knee is still pretty painful, so my "run" tomorrow is going to be more of a really light jog. It will still be nice though.

Okay, I'm going to bed. Gotta work at 8am. Gross.

Lately.

Hmm my life as of late = work. That's basically it. I haven't had a day off in so long. Well over a month! BUT I'm leaving for Haverhill tomorrow night! Depending on when Ev gets out of work will depend on what time I leave Brewer. I'll probably leave around 9 or 10pm. I'm beyond excited to see him! It's going to be wonderful. I have missed him sooo much. I've missed being with him every day. Doing absolutely everything together. Grocery shopping, walking Ollie, laying in bed watching tv, cooking dinner together, snuggling, going to bed together, sleeping together. Everything!! I miss it all! Igdrijfdkbgfj I just want tonight and tomorrow to be over so I can drive down and see my boy! Goodness.

The other day Kelsie and I took the dogs to the park. They loved it! Ollie got to run and run and he even escaped through the fence and was free for a minute. I almost had a heart attack. The field we let them run in is a big fenced in baseball field. There are 3 or 4 small openings in the fence, and Ollie and Spencer managed to find one of them and run out! They came back though which was good. After that they didn't escape anymore. Ollie was so tired after the park. He slept the whole ride home, fell asleep when we got home, and stayed asleep for 4 hours! He was a sleepy baby.

Okay that's basically my life lately. Jamaica in 20 days. FUCK YES.

Why am I so goddamn sick?! My throat feels like there are razors in it. My body feels like it got hit by a bus. And the only person who can snuggle the sick outta me is far away. Bummer. Oh and I lost 7 hours of work today. Double bummer. I hate today. Gonna drag my ass out of bed and go get a Popsicle.

Summer so far.

I'm really enjoying my new job. So far I've worked with Kelsie every shift so it makes it even more fun. It's such a change from my first job. That one isn't horrible, I'm just bored with feeding and bathing old people. Making pizza and sandwiches and serving people ice cream is relaxing and almost therapeutic after a day of work with some of my clients. I've been exhausted, but I really need the money, so sleep and relaxation at home is going to have to wait. I think I'm going to hopefully be working more at the creamery. MAS was kind of a jerk to me when I told them I got another job and wasn't interested in working 7 days a week anymore. They said "well that's going to be difficult.." I was like, ummm okay? They took two of my clients away from me because they wouldn't let another worker work with them the one day a week that I asked to be off. Kind of ridiculous. They asked me to work 9 times a week with one client. 7 mornings from 8-9 and then two nights from 5-6. I told them that I would be more than willing to pick up 7 of those shifts, so in total I would be with her 5 days a week. They got pissy and acted like I was the person being unreasonable. I was more than willing to work with them so I could keep my clients, and they acted like it was a problem and that I didn't deserve to have a day a week off. So, next week is my last week working for them during the week. I'll have clients Saturday and Sunday and will be working in the creamery during the week and on Sundays as well.

It's kind of nice that I won't have to work for MAS during the week, but I'm losing my absolute favorite client. She is the sweetest women. She's 99 years old, and all I do is make her breakfast or dinner and go for walks with her. Oh well, hopefully I'll be getting enough hours at the creamery.

In other news, now that I won't be working at MAS during the week, my availibilty has opened up a bit. I'm planning a trip to Haverhill June 7th for a couple days. It will be nice to see Evan. That day is also our 20 month anniversary. Not that we are going to celebrate 20 months, it's just crazy. I can't believe we are going on 2 years. I've never been in a happy relationship for this long. I really have no doubts that we
will be together for a long time. He gave me a beautiful ring in October. Not THE ring, but it's a ring that means something to both of us. I
feel extremely lame and cliche saying it, but I'm about 100% positive that Ev's "the one." I hate that term, and yet I still used it to describe
him.

Okay enough of this shizz. I'm just getting like this because I miss him!

Today

Today was alright. I got another job. This one is at an ice cream/pizza shop. I think it's probably just going to be for the summer, but who knows. I need to figure out when I'm going to work there, so I can figure out when I'm going to work my first job. I think it will be okay because I usually work days, and so far I'm just working nights there. I'm hoping they don't interfere too much, cause I need as many hours as possible. The money situation sucks right now.

Anyways, I took Ollie for a walk tonight. We went around the block, then down the street almost to the river, then back around the block the other way. He was pooped after and came upstairs to get a drink, then fell right to sleep. I hope working two jobs is going to be okay with him. I don't want him to feel neglected! I'm going to be exhausted, but I really need to make sure to walk him a lot.

Tonight was good. I was watching a movie downstairs and then Andy and Val came downstairs and asked if I wanted to play some scrabble card game. It was pretty fun, and it was nice to actually do something instead of just sitting there and watching tv.

I miss Evan. I really want him to come see me, but he seems really against it. I understand he doesn't want to make the trip, but it sucks that he would rather just not drive than come see me. I would be there in a second if I didn't work literally every day of the week. My next day off is June 24th as if right now, so I really can't go down there. Uuugh. Hopefully we get to see each other before that. Being away from each other is really hard. Oh well, we'll figure it out.

Okay I'm done. I had to write this on the stupid iPhone because I no longer have a working computer. JUNK!